Coping with Loss During the Holidays is a short healing guide you can turn to when you need ideas to get you through the season.
Hello Loves. At the beginning of the year, I made it a goal to write twelve articles for Patrice Shawntia. Until May, I was on a roll and published seven on the site. On May 4th, my world came crashing down. My grandmother, Shirley, passed away hours after her 80th birthday (May 3rd). Grateful that my family and I video-called her on the day of her birthday; we knew we were limited in how much time we would have with her, but I thought I had a little more time…I would call her tomorrow so she could hear my voice again. Tomorrow for her did not come. My heart was broken as she had been a “mother” to me since I was in the third grade.
Now, here we are in November. This is the first holiday I cannot pick up and call her to say, “Hey, Shirley Ann!” The kind woman who loved to smile and loved all things fashion and church would no longer be there to say a prayer for me or speak words of positivity, which she did all of the above so well. There are days when I find myself filled with sadness and tears as I cope, but there are more days when I smile because I know she lived and loved life and her family.
The healing process has been one filled with highs and lows. This is the first time in years that I have lost someone I was close to, and it is painful. As the months have passed, I am still healing and accepting that my grandmother is now at peace.
Just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean your sadness takes a back seat to your emotions.
Accept your feelings
Each day is a step closer to healing. It’s a process that truly does take time.
Be compassionate with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. There is no time stamp on how long it should take to heal from your loss.
Honor your loved one
Visit their site, leave flowers, and speak with them. (It may seem odd initially, but sharing your feelings is OK.) Support an organization that your loved one was passionate about. You can do so by volunteering to bring awareness to causes near and dear to their hearts.
Lean on your support
The loss of a loved one is difficult for many people. Reaching out and having conversations with others, sharing beautiful stories, and writing down the sweet memories of your loved one helps you express exactly how you feel. Sometimes, reaching out to your support is challenging because you think you may be the only one feeling sad. Still, your family and friends understand, and they may have similar feelings and ideas to help you through this time.
Seek counseling
One of the most challenging things to do in life can be to ask for help. We don’t like to depend on others, especially when it comes to our mental health, but I am here to tell you that it is more than OK to ask for help! My therapist has been a godsend when dealing with my thoughts and expressing my feelings. She’s been a listening ear when I’ve had an array of emotions, from anger to sadness. Some services (including churches) will listen and help you heal through this process.
Remember old traditions, Celebrate new traditions
Did your loved one share one of the unique holiday recipes? Did they talk about an adventure they wanted to explore?
My grandmother was known for her pearls + perfume. She believed in feeling, looking, and smelling her best, so my cheetahs and I often wear pearls and perfume to honor her.
Bake the cookies, help a neighbor, or create any new tradition that may help you through the healing process. Coping with loss during the holidays will take time, but do the things that bring you peace when thinking of your loved one, and remember, they do love you!